


Let's Become Fish

by wth_am_i_writing



Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Mild Language, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-20 14:10:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17024103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wth_am_i_writing/pseuds/wth_am_i_writing
Summary: Horrible timing, or maybe it was fortunate. It still didn’t change the fact that his neighbor was reduced to tears in his arms.





	Let's Become Fish

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Tumblr on March 17, 2014.
> 
> Original Author’s Note: I survived! And instead of finishing the fics I had started but not finished during spring break, I wrote a new angst fic. I have mixed feelings about this one. I feel like it it starts off pretty weird and that it’s not one of my best works. But it’s also kinda interesting and intriguing to me too so… yeah. Hope you guys enjoy!

Ken opened the door to the roof to his neighbor serenely standing at the guardrail. In the dark night air, it took him several seconds to realize he was standing on the other side of the rail. It only took him three to cross the roof and wrap his fingers around his neighbor’s sturdy wrist, having realized he’d let go of the guardrail and was leaning forward. Startled, his neighbor turned around, the motion enough to throw him off balance and cause him to slip. Ken’s waist crashed into the railing as he was dragged forward by his neighbor’s weight.

Ken gripped the rail, digging his heels into the ground as he tried not to lose his hold on his neighbor—the man was barely balanced with one foot on the ledge and Ken’s body weight pulling at his arm. Ken released the rail and grabbed his neighbor’s arm. He glanced up, meeting the man’s bewildered and bloodshot eyes. He pulled, using every bit of strength he had, and barely managed to get him back up and bent over the railing as he fell on his ass. As his neighbor scrambled to right himself, Ken leaned up, shifting the grip on his arm and pulling him completely back over to safety, though uncomfortably sprawled over his chest.

His neighbor pushed himself up and stared Ken in the eyes, emotions flitting and changing rapidly. Before Ken could compute what exactly was flickering across his neighbor’s face, the man pulled his free hand back and socked Ken square in the jaw. Ken released his arm, hands flying to his jaw as he flinched back.

“You should have let me fall,” his neighbor spat, voice raspy and cracking, breathy and unstable.

“I couldn’t just let you,” Ken replied, looking up at him to discover tears welling in his neighbor’s eyes.

“Why did you have to show up?” His breathing was becoming more and more ragged as the tears began to spill over. “Why did you have to stop me?”

“Why did you want to jump?” Ken asked tentatively. The man scoffed, turning away and standing up.

“You wouldn’t understand,” he said, stepping towards the railing again. Ken pushed himself up and grabbed the man’s wrist.

“Try me,” he said, thinking up any excuse he could to keep his neighbor from attempting to jump again. “You won’t know until you try, Kim Wonsik-ssi. Or are you Cha Hakyeon-ssi?”

“Been here a month and you’re already causing trouble,” he sighed, the breath out shuddering and slow.  Ken shook his head, not understanding how he was causing trouble. It was true he was new to the complex, but he’d barely seen his neighbors, let alone interacted enough with them to cause trouble. “I’m Cha Hakyeon. But everyone calls me N.”

“N-ssi…” Ken mumbled, testing out the syllables. “Why did you want to jump?”

“His shirts smell funny,” N said, tone tight and guarded. He shook out of Ken’s grasp and crossed his arms across his chest, wandering out into the open space on the roof and keeping his back towards Ken.

“Whose shirts?”

“Ravi’s.”

“Whose?”

“Wonshik’s,” N sighed, shoulders tensing.

“How do they smell funny? Like is he sweating too much?”

“Some days like cologne. Some days like perfume.”

“Why is that upsetting?” Ken couldn’t help asking, not understanding at all why it would be a big enough deal to cause him to be suicidal.

“It’s not his,” N snapped. “The last six months, he leaves smelling like usual and returns smelling like someone else. He’s been acting normal but I don’t see him as much anymore and—“ N sucked in a sharp breath, stopping the words from spilling out any more.

“And?” Ken prompted, stepping closer to N, eyebrows raised curiously.

“We used to go to the gym together everyday, but his shift at work changed and we can’t anymore. He started coming back late, saying he’d been at the gym after work, but he smelt like soap. His shirts like sweat and other people.”

“Isn’t it normal to shower after working out?” Ken asked.

“You don’t know Ravi,” N laughed emptily. “He can barely be bothered to take a shower longer than 3 minutes unless we’re fucking in there.” Sudden realization coursed through Ken and he stumbled back a step. He shook his head, refocusing.

“So he’s coming back unusually clean?”

“Maybe three times a week, sometimes more,” N sighed, reaching up to wipe his eyes. He breathed in shakily, shifting his weight. “Sex on those nights is great. He’s passionate and clingy. Guilty acting. Hard to satisfy. Unless he’s not in the mood and pushes me away for days, coming back late and smelling like soju and women when he isn’t performing.”

“So you think he’s cheating?”

“I know he is.” The sureness in N’s voice sent a shiver down Ken’s spine.

“Have you tried confronting him?”

“Not directly. I’m afraid he’ll leave.”

“And?”

“I—I…” N took in a deep breath, shoulders suddenly shaking. “…want to end it. But there’s nothing without him. I have nothing, no place.”

“That can’t be true,” Ken insisted, feeling the need to catch his neighbor. It was as if he would disappear at any moment. He gripped N’s upper arm and moved around his front to look at him. N bowed his head, raising his hand to cover his face. The action didn’t do much to obscure his face more than the dim lighting of the rooftop already did.

“People can’t be trusted,” N spat, practically yelling. He shook away from Ken’s grip, turning around and heading towards the railing again. “They talk about you behind your back. They leave you. They don’t tell you the truth. And you’re just going to do the same whether I die tonight or not.” Ken felt his throat run dry, his chest tightening as he hesitated. “I thought Ravi was different and I don’t want to live in a world where he isn’t.” N reached out for the railing and Ken lurched forward.

“Don’t jump,” Ken pleaded, crashing into N’s back and wrapping his arms around his chest. He closed his eyes and pressed his face to the back of N’s shoulder as he used all of his strength to try to pull N away from the railing. N gripped at Ken’s hands, trying to pull them off. “I won’t talk about this. I promise!”

“You’re lying!”

“You don’t know me, so you can’t say that!”

“You’re just saying things so I’ll stop!”

“My name is Lee Jaehwan, but everyone calls me Ken because I look like a foreigner!”

“I don’t care what you’re called!” N cried, starting to thrash against Ken and pull himself back towards the rail.

“I have a big nose and I like Spongebob and candy and snacks! And the only lie I ever tell is that I don’t care when people say my nose is big!”

“Shut up!”

N bucked, managing to break free from Ken’s grasp. He fell forward onto his knees, breathing heavily as he started crying again. Ken had fallen to his ass. He pushed himself up, lunging for N as he tried to stand and make for the rail again. N wiggled in Ken’s grasp, turning grabbing him by his shirt. He flung Ken into the rail, pressing down until Ken was uncomfortably leaning back over the edge. N pulled his arm back and punched Ken in the jaw again, breathing ragged and tears falling on Ken’s cheek.

“Two and a half _years_ and every night that he stays out this late I’m afraid he won’t come back to me at all. So let _me_ walk out and not came back at all!” N yelled. Ken gripped the rail, trying to push the thought that he could fall to his death at any moment out of his mind.

“Why not properly confront him?” Ken asked, lips darting nervously across his lips as he searched N’s face.

“Talking won’t fix anything,” N replied, voice cracking.

“A-and dying will?”

“I don’t want to be alone,” he sobbed, leaning down and pressing his forehead to Ken’s chest. Ken took a deep breath and cautiously released the rail with one hand. Hesitantly, Ken reached for N’s shoulder and gently pressed the man away until he could stand up straight. N sunk to his knees and Ken followed, pulling him into a hug and holding him tight. Ken bit his lip, looking over N’s shoulder and searching the rooftop with worried eyes. The dim lighting revealed nothing useful, so he just sat there, cradling his sobbing neighbor, a perfect stranger.

What could he even say or do in that situation? He was at a loss, the jokes he’d normally make to brush off the sad times grossly inappropriate. N shuddered, gripping Ken’s shirt with shaking hands. Ken pulled N in tighter, feeling N’s tears soaking through his shoulder as he began to rub N’s back. He wasn’t good at handling these kinds of situations. After several minutes, Ken shifted under N.

“Let’s go to my apartment. I won’t let you be alone tonight,” Ken offered. N shook his head against Ken’s shoulder, but he dismissed the man. Ken hoisted N up and shifted so the crying man was supported on his shoulder as he led him to the door to the roof. Going down the three flights of stairs to their floor was rough and slow, N tripping and almost causing them to fall four times. Ken wasn’t sure if the missteps were on purpose or not, but at this point he was sure N wasn’t beyond taking him with him if it meant getting his way.

By the time they’d reached Ken’s door, N had quieted down, only sniffling occasionally. When Ken reached into his pocket for his keys, N sunk down on the ground and rested his head against wall. His eyes had turned vacant, the sudden eerie calm concerning Ken. As soon as the door was open, Ken hoisted N up and carried him inside, dumping him down in the entranceway to pry his shoes off. Once Ken had removed his own shoes, he pulled N up and dragged him to his bed. After setting him down, Ken left to wet a washcloth. Kneeling down in front of N, Ken reached up and wiped N’s face with the warm, damp cloth.

“Why did you come up to the roof?” N mumbled, eyes staring blankly through Ken.

“I like watching the city lights,” Ken admitted, pushing himself up and sitting down next to N. “It’s the closest things to stars we have around here. That highway that we can see is especially gorgeous. Like a river of light. I just want to become a fish and swim in it. Don’t you think it’d be nice? To swim in warm light?”

“You’re crazy,” N mumbled, a hint of laughter breaking through his tone.

“Fish can’t cry and the only thing they have to worry about is getting food and not being food and… Wouldn’t it be nice to be a fish if only for a night? Swimming in a river of light?” Ken rambled on.

“Don’t talk nonsense.”

“You should talk to Ravi-ssi tomorrow,” Ken said, reaching out for N’s hand. He threaded his fingers with N’s and squeezed tight even though N didn’t squeeze back.

“Yeah,” N hoarsed out, falling back onto the bed and staring up at the ceiling.

“Do you want me to be there with you?” Ken bit his lips nervously, staring down at N and filling with worry. N heaved a heavy sigh.

“Yeah.” Ken looked up at the wall, trying to think of what to do next. At a complete loss, he laid down beside N and pulled him into another hug. Never mind that he was a perfect stranger, that tonight had been the first time they’d ever spoken.

“N-ssi… Tonight, let’s become fish and swim in the river of lights.”

“Yeah…”


End file.
